Up & Down

Is been nearly 2 weeks i last blog..nothing much different my life here in this place. 2 weeks ago, my feeling was kinda up and down..especially in the morning, it just nothing much, but the feeling that i had when i awake, i felt so stressful of living here, vulnerable to move on!Perhaps, the failure that scared the hell in of me, and i slowly climbed in order not to fall again!Everyday I pray, I pray for myself, nothing bad happens, as I am so afraid of hearing something bad about me from someone. These were the 2 weeks i had been went through, it was a little bit hard, but, i am much more better now. I hope this is the end of my nightmare, and is my good fortunate returns again!

Today is the end of the easter break and uni resumes next week!Is great to tell that i finished all the lecture tapings and the assignment through this week. I am not giving up yet!!!=) But, i wish i could have some good lucks from now on. Next week, Japanese test 1 !!!Aw~ :(

I started reading some food blogs recently, and i did take some courage and spare some times on making the food for myself. Well, it is good!!Awesome!!I like it, especially the fried noodles with the "sambal", it tastes really good and the stir fry bean sprouts!Reading blogs is like my routine now, everyday, every morning, after washing up myself, i will browse the blogs and have my cereal + coffee in which i feel really good. Though these days i talk lesser than before, i believe, at times, i find life is just nothing, like any other day, and sista agreed on that, life is boring.

Since i said life is boring here, so nothing much to share. Oh!There is something which puzzle me yesterday after all a friend chat with me in msn. i found out everytime after talking to her, i felt bad, i had no clues. All times, she just said something which doesnt sound really good to me, and pull me down. There is no encouragements words from her, and i find she is so fake of her utterance. But, i wont, i wont give her a chance to control my heart, i wont allow and i wont comment anymore on her affair. Sis is right, i shouldnt say something which isn't nice or truth, some people just deny or say no to the truth...sometimes, in real life needs some disguise. I will do my part well, that is more than enough.

Today, sisters told me that, they have decided to buy a new house in which it is a double storey series townhouse with 4 bed rooms + 3 bathrooms. I am happy to hear this as well, as I may have my own room in the future, teehee! I always desperate to have my own room as i think i am getting older and i need my own space. The house that we have been living for 20 years++ 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom to accommodate 9 family members and then since 4 years ago, it starts increasing the number of people living in the house. So, now is like...add in brother's gf, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 maid, 1 little girl...so is (my math is so bad, this is so simple calculation and i took so long to get the answer, wtf!) Yes!13 people!!!!is a lot,right?LOL...it is good when everyone is young....but on festival, it is kinda troublesome. Lets talk about my sister's wedding which was not long ago, last year December. I think roughly about 20 people sleeping in the little house!!We only have 1 living room, so, when we had the buffet at home, the house was so packed!!But, it was fun!=) and also on the Lunar New Year (though I wasnt at home this year),no spare spaces for guests!!haha...and tv noise always interfere people who are sleeping and no piano when tv is on and also you can't really study as the sound from the tv is loud and house is small. I always have the funny impression of my brother's room,hehe...sorry, ok, lets skip this!Thus, it is a good news to have a bigger house now! I hope everyone is happy as me too!

MALAYSIA DREAMGIRL (click on the link, if you're interested of watching it)

I got to know about this model competition from one of the blogger aka one of the contestant of the Malaysia DreamGirl. She is quite popular now, i guess. i watched the latest episode 7, which was mostly about a girl - Cindy. Everyone said she has a very fake or very funny English accent, to me, it is australian accents, because i am in OZ,please and I am used to the slang/pronounciation!!!

Be frank, Cindy doesnt impress me well, i dont really like her as she is kinda annoying i found out by watching those episodes. However, i do not know her in person, so nothing much i could comment and i think is normal that not everyone in our life will like us. The fact is that everyone in the dream house, i mean most/everyone of the participants living in the house not liking Cindy, i could imagine the nasty vibes in the "dream house" they named it. I have no ideas why they call it dream house xD(dream house is like perhaps the palace with a ....etc) I went too far again..ok, i just feel that is kind of pity to this girl as she is not welcomed in the house. Imagine, it is immensely hard to stay in a house where everyone else doesnt like her. I hope they could tame the war as they all are Malaysians.(i do not know what i was talking about,bwah!!:p)

Anyway, i am quite sick of seeing people in war.....Anyway, anyway..anyway...competition is merely a game, at the end of the show there will be only one winner...and the rest has to go home, so why dont they enjoy the time staying with each others....blah blah blah...etc...I was kinda bored here, that why i watched all the episodes xD

Bye for now!

Sixteen-of-March

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!X.O.X.O

Add Glitter to Pictures



Is a special day for someone and although i yet spitting out the greeting and wishes for him, in fact i sent him an e-card!Oh!Is a joke to share, hopefully it at least put a smile on your face. I asked by typing in the msn, "have you checked your mailbox?", his replies were,"i work 6-7 days a week, and the Post Office only open 5 1/2 days, so i havent got the time to the post office to collect the card"!I was shocked, and it was funny to read these...xD I have no clue why do you need to collect an electronic card, in abbreviation "e-card" from Post Office?!? Even it is a card, i do not think, you need to head all the ways to Post Office, just to collect the greeting card!If this is the case, i bet, the Post Office is packed like hell....By the way, Happy 16th!!

I have a very peace week, so far, everything is just fine to me, or i should say, as usual or normal, nothing bad, turning out! However, i guess, i am quite tension, as i had a number of nightmares during this week!I hope there is nothing relating to my real life, it is just a dream due to my anxiety!I am quite tired the whole week. Friday, I met up a friend and her mom for lunch, it was alright and again, her mom was brainwashing me again about men!she urged her daughter to get a bf asap!!!*Eyes rolled* and asked whether i could give her a hand introducing her daughter some guys!!!=______________= Well, i am not the agent or middle person who seek couples for the people!Just i cant understand what made them think that i got to know a lot of boys/male friends here!!!>"<

Also, my friend, she bought some gifts in which i am joyful to receive them. I heart them, at least she remembers i like HELLO KITTY!!Yes, no harm to like it as i find it is really cute!!

Next week, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, i have to ring up the law faculty to check my review/remark of exam paper!I am so upset now, please pray hard and please.....Currently, i am busy working on my succession research assignment which is going to due in 2-3 weeks time!I am in a group of 3 aussie guys T____T , yes, you're right, i am the only international student, the only female, the only non-native speaker!!I am stressed like hell!!!!T_T Pray Hard for my everything!!!!

Men and Women

Whether I'm ______ or _______ Depends On You!!!!!fill up the blank with whatever you want!

Two friends of mine, whom they name themselves are my friends/closed friend, i just can't understand the reason. Talking about the female friend, she tends not to keep in touch with me when she has a good time with her boyfriend and before she has affairs with her current bf, she tends to missing as well, as she had an enjoyable life out there, partying, clubbing, yamcha-ing, etc... However, when her life turned upside down, the first one she wanna talk with, who? obviously the answer is ME!I just can't help why she can treat her closed friend this way? She never think of of her friend, which is me, perhaps occupy with works or dating(this is impossible, i know, but it may happen in one day) or whatever reason it could be. As such, she just wanted so much me to ring her and assure her. Of course, i never failed to do things for her.....I tried my best to cheerish her and i did check her after 2/3 days after the conversation. You know what, i just can't understand why, why, why, what on earth that stop her to reply my text message...She would only reply immediately if she is not doing okay, such as, having tiff with bf, squabble with loved one, being alone at home, bf busy with works, whatsoever..... Today, while I was waiting the return call from my uni, i rang this gf and after 10 minutes, she said, she wanted to hang up and of course, i wanted to know the reason being a very keipo person and she said to me before, the best time to call her is noon time. I was so doubtful,..Hai!Hiru desu ne!!!Eeto..gogo yo ji desu.Hiru desu!!=_= Ahhhhhh!It was because she was with her bf and at her bf's house. Well, again, i really cannot understand why!!Can someone tell me why why why? You can assume i am ID10T or Innocent or etc.....Remember, when i was with bf that time, a gf rang me and she was so long-winded, talking on the phone nearly 1 hour, from the time I was having dinner with bf ---> finished ----> went to bf's home --> he showered --> he online, still i was on the phone. So, is that mean i am a bad gf? How do you value a friendship? how often you look for your friends? I still believe, i can only be friends with those single & available people. Are all women behaving this way?

Come to men!Well, is about the same too! A friend lost contact with me, well, basically, he is the one who always mentioned to me, we are friends, we are friends. Once, i remembered 3-4 weeks ago, i rang him up because i was so stressful studying, then he was so disguise over the phone call and after 3-4 weeks, he called me back and even text me a message to apologize!!!Is too late to apologize!!!Do you guys apologize to your friends or someone after 3-4 weeks of time and giving you lousy excuses being busy at work/life/etc....I told him, "if there is a will, there is a way..." if you are inconvenient to give your friend a call, text message will do, even you think is too expensive to send a text message merely to apologize, then email!What on earth again that block you contacting your friend or say sorry via email?

On the other hands, another 2 girls i know, they would give me a buzz when they are lonely or HELPLESS, meaning, need some helps or assistance or advices on such and such matter or person. I sometimes find myself, i am so doubtful, am i good at counselling? mediation? It seems like people tend to look for me when they are down down down:( Is that mean i am not good to be their friends?

All these people have forgotten that I am a human-beings, I have feeling, I have my life......i am not always ready for them, they never treat me their friends, then why should i want to so busy body to take care of them? When i was having a shiiiiiiit life, when i was so lonely, where were all these people???All of them i have known for a period of times and even one is childhood friend, this is the way they treat their friends....what is friends for? They forget the concept of friendship...so, never ever look for your friends only when you need them and being selfish when their friends ask for help.

BSB (BackStreet Boys) was held a concert back home!!How much i wish i could be
there, yelling BSB, I Love You!!or NICK!!!I Love you so much, you're hot, sexy,
etc....Yes!Crazy me!I don't care who you are, where you are from, what you did,
as long as you love me.....looking back the things i have done, i was trying to
be someone, play my parts, kept you in the dark, now let me show you the shape
of my heart....I'll never break your heart, i'll never make you cry...oh!I could
still remember hardly the mtv of this song!!and that time i was actually in
Perth, i was intending to steal their poster on the street...loving them to the
max!!!=)

One of my problem solved, so i am now slightly, errr...more than that better now..Thank you so much for my sisters , being there for me, i am so warm inside=)

Goodbye Yesterday, Hello Tomorrow

It has been 2 days i emo and i think i got enough of it. I had been sleeping for 12 hrs nearly last night. Though every morning when i got up, i feel that something was not same as before, my plans destroyed...but the world still turning, the day still running, even i remain emo, even i cry, even whatever.....

On the friday, after heading to the uni, my feeling got even worst, luckily, i wasn't that bad luck, at least at that time, Zaya still turned out and gave me warmest huggies and cheered me up. Thanks so much for being there for me the whole day. She shared about her stories with me in order to make me feel better. I wasnt that bad after all i think, isn't me?

I upset my whole family, they got so upset about me, and i think i should be stronger and do not get envy or jealousy of other people, regardless she is lucky or she isn't...that is none of my business......Sister shared with me the news and i know deep down, they are trying to assure me and make me feel better, i know it and i understand it...but what was in my head is i wasted my time and the $$$$$$$ again, and your dream house may not come so soon.

I believe, and from the series i watched before, so i want to share with you here, "Today you are top of the world, but tomorrow, your life may be turning upside down", meaning life is changeable. I remember a quote i read before, "to change your life, first change your attitude"...all the words that i heard or i read before spinning around in my head...and the reason i am not good, i am brainless or i am not lucky or i am stupid, this is not an ostacle to get success...because i aint good enough, i should not get defeated easily or sad over this, instead i should work harder than anyone else....

Remember, Alycia said to me, "i am a very lucky person indeed, as i was being choosen to challenge all these hardships in my earlier life, and the god wants to train me to become a strong person or a successful woman in the future", so isn't me lucky? What is more, I am the luckiest one because i am the only one who could further my studies in overseas amongst my siblings, the chance to experience more in life, the chance to know more people, the chance to widen my eyes and have a broader mindset, a chance to have a better education and a better life,isn't me lucky enough?

So, i gonna waive byebye to yesterday, and welcome my tomorrow with a big smile on my face...My 2 years old niece said to me in the video call last night before i doze off, "Aunty, have a good sleep tonight and tomorrow is a better day!", she is so lovely and I am blissful to have all these carings, so i am lucky....

Yesterday, Zaya persuaded me to join the rest to the DFO (Direct Factory Outlet) shopping, thank you for all of you giving me a good day, as well as the phone call from Esther. I had funs yesterday with my friends, so i will get better today and better better tomorrow and in the coming days.

= Byebyebye Yesterday, I open my arms to welcome my better tomorrow =

I do not know what i can do now...what i could do,i do, what i should, i should...things always not coming the right way, and always I am not the lucky one. I was being defeated by the tragedy again..i lost and it won!Could my way get lesser of bumply road?Could the god give me some lucks or could the god give me some more loves? I am pleased at the sadnest moment, my sister and my other siblings and parents there to hold me on...but, i am so sorry at this time, i cant help myself, i am slack to stand up and fight again....I am very thankful to the people who care me so much when they knew that i was so down..even in the midnight, thank you for the encouragements and carings, but, at this time, thousands of words or the love can't just fix my broken heart.......I am lost, i lost my way, i lost my confidence, i lost everything in a night....Can you treat me better? Can you give me some lucks? I am tired to assure people when they were sad, I am tired of compliment people when they lost their confidence, i am tired to help people when they need helps, i am tired of everything......indeed, i am just nothing...without me, you still can survive, you still can move on, you still can alive.

i want to take off the mask on my face, i just want to be someone else...Yes!I cant cope with my family and friends, even myself...I wish i could just vanish in this world, i hate myself too much............If there is a guardian angel, could you just stay with me all times? Help me, assist me, hold me, like me, love me, pamper me, everything that i want....I am just an ordinary girl, all i need is just what a girl wants...but unfortunately, i always need to fight hard to achieve something in which i am so exhausted..i am feelingless, except the tears keep falling down on my cheek to the neck...i can't stop weeping, just because i am sad...Perhaps i did something bad to somebody, i hurt somebody too much before, but then......I believe Karma, and i know i had done some sinful things to some people, however, i think i have paid you all back everything i owed you. So, once again please accept my forgiveness and forgive me...give me a peaceful life, a peace mind, a peace me...i just want happiness, when my angel when my dreams will come true? You gave me hopes, and you destroyed that for me with your hands, you support me, but you defeat me at the end.

Momma, sisters, papa, give me some times to forget the pains, forget the past, forgive myself, regain or rebuild my confidence, please...Sorry that i disappointed you all once again...Sorry to my dearly dear, that i ruin your day and everything...

I need a brand new me, please get rid all the devils or sins away from me....please go away from me....i want a happy life....please, please, please, i beg you.....

WTF!!!

It isnt good to start my new blog with "WTF",right? But, i cant help with it, just something really pissed me off recently.What are so annoying me? Sigh...sigh...better not to mention them here, as it is going to uglify my beautiful blog!xD WTF!!!We will see how many "WTF" i typed out in my very first blog ya...

New semester starts, everything is just good in which i am very happy with that.My first day at uni was quite fun as this is completely a very different semester for me as i am doing 2 non-law subjects. I had Japanese class on Monday and it was fun! I found the teacher, instead of addressing her "lecturer/tutor", because i found it is alike to the English Course I did few years back at British Council. I think the hardest part for me learning a new language is to memorise the writing of Hiragana and Katakana. When the 2 hours lectures finished, i headed to adminstration office to renew my Student ID, the queue was long and about 10 minutes later, suddenly people at the front dismissed and one girl told me that the system was gone and needed half an hour to fix it. At this very moment, I had a very sinful thought!!*Big Grin* It was a bad news to others, but then, it was in fact turning out to be a good new to me as i could just waited there for 30 minutes, and then the first person to have my student ID fix up when the system is back!!!Isnt me smart enough?WTF!!I met an old lady - Codda?WTF, i dont know the spelling, she is a new elderly student, thus she is so helpless, so I tried to assist and answered all her enquiries as I am a very helpful person, WTF!=p

Today I have straight 7 hours lectures!!!Can you believe? *Sweat* However, i skipped the last lecture!=p I met a new friend in the first lecture i attended, called Estee (I hope i got her name correct).L.O.L. During the lecture, somehow i felt like i was sitting in my A-Level accounting class many years ago(this made me sound really old now,ha ha..), that was just nice, having all my good friends around me and speaking in my mother tongue!!I am a native speaker, you see, so i still prefer to speak in mandarin!And then i attended another lectures and realised that Linda was doing Succession too!So, i will not be too boring in the 2 hours Succession Lectures. Isn't it boring to be a student?Another boring day at uni?as you go to uni and attend the lectures and seminar/tute, then back to home!Still, i miss my days at TARC (semi-government college in my home country) and I miss my high school life so much, of course all my babies!=D

Oh!This reminds me that, almost everyone in the town called us bitch (this is a nice name, me likey it, wtf!) as we were all from the bitchy high school.LOL!Why bitchy?this is because all are girls and people used to say, our eyes grow wide and biiiiiiiiiiiig everytime we saw boys, and we were hunger for boyfriends!!WTF!This was so prejudice!!It is just absolutely "school-discriminations"!!!ha ha...I miss my high school mates!!!!!!I miss my high school life!!!Every morning when i reached my bitchy school, i left my school bag in the classroom, then friends sitting at my front and back, and even right of my seat would yell, "hey!you're here. that's great!did you finish your homeworks?" or "gimme your math exercise books" or "hey!please copy these for me"....Copy in the sense of writing out the answers for her on her book. So, every morning basically i was busy helping the babies to finish off their schoolworks.It was so fun!!!A friend, a good friend taking care of me during my last 2 years in high school,she brought me breakfast everyday, isn't she nice?=) When she knew that i was being rejected by a guy, she always tried to cheerish me...Yes!!No doubt!!I wooed a guy but not successful. Come on!!Dont despise me,okayokay!!I was so crazy for him, he was my prince!!!I just couldnt understand why he had no feelings at all, or he was blind perhaps or my English was too good to be read/understand?LOL WTF i was just a very typical asian girl, making all the cards with my own hands, okay, some with poems, some with love shapes...etc, cant remember well now...All were nicely made..just as beautiful as those you bought from the bookshop or newsagent,WTF!!!You are looking for a handmade card??You want to place an order???LOL....

Okay,guess i should end my first blog here!!!I am puzzled with my blog skin/templates, i need a nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice one...please!!Can anyone lend me a hand with this?